Camp: private conversations

[backspacing]

Respond here for a private conversation with Red! All comment threads are screened.

Comments

[homeecspacecop]

But are you sure? [Chuuta knows what it's like to have something you can't live with and living on anyway. He knows what it's like to tell yourself something you don't believe until believing it makes everything easier.

If she's sure it's worth it, beyond the shadow of a doubt, then maybe it is. But if she isn't... that just makes everything worse than it could be.]

[backspacing]

[If he had asked her week 1, she would have said that she was sure. Now, though...

She just falls silent.]

[homeecspacecop]

[She isn't.

She isn't sure. She's done this so many times but she isn't sure it's worth it.

They're still going to die anyway. Chuuta doesn't say anything, because there's nothing to say.]

[backspacing]

[There really isn't.

So instead, Red will lean against the counter and start humming.]

[homeecspacecop]

[He's quiet.

It's so quiet in his head right now, no comments or observations or the background blur of emotions that he'd never realized weren't his. It's empty, being alone in his own head.]

I can't... [He says, aloud and quiet as he tries again and again to just wipe his tears away and not be crying.] I can't do this. I can't. I thought I could help people, I thought I could protect people, but I'm not good enough.

[backspacing]

You can still help people. It's not about being good enough, it's about trying.

[homeecspacecop]

I don't want to try and not be good enough. I don't want to try as hard as I can and still watch people die. I... I can't. Not again.

[backspacing]

All any of us can do is try, Chuuta. It's 'try' or 'give up'. Are you giving up?

ah yes the most terrifying tag i have ever received in my rp career

[homeecspacecop]

[He wants to give up. He wants so much to just... give up. He's always wanted that.

But...]

You want us to give up, don't you? You just want us to stop fighting.

[backspacing]

I don't.

But at the same time, if you did give up, I would not blame you.

[homeecspacecop]

Is that what you did? Is that why you're still here?