Camp: private conversations

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Respond here for a private conversation with Red! All comment threads are screened.

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monday night

[homeecspacecop]

[Chuuta has... nothing. He's worn out, exhausted, and he doesn't trust Red. Red might feel bad about it, but she still killed people. Red might feel bad about it, but she isn't giving them the information they need to escape.

But he has absolutely nothing and some people seem to like Red. And Red feels bad about it, and she won't hurt him unless he kills someone.

Chuuta goes looking for her, and doesn't say anything at first, just kind of hovers around the store, like he's pretending to consider buying snacks or more knitting supplies. He doesn't know if he should make an effort to talk to her. He doesn't know if he can.]

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[She sees you hovering in the store, Mister.]

Chuuta, come here.

[homeecspacecop]

[Oh. He's in trouble, isn't he?]

Sorry. [It's a preemptive apology for bothering her. But he does go closer to Red.]

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[He's not in trouble! She's going to steer him over to a nearby stool.]

Here, sit down for a moment.

[She's going to get him some water too. He looks like he could use it.]

[homeecspacecop]

[He sits, and manages to pretty effectively curl in on himself despite being on a stool. When Red brings the water, he takes it. Yeah, he's probably dehydrated from... everything.]

Thanks.

Um. We... saw some pictures from your phone of other campers. [Somehow, this is the most important topic. Because... well, because Misuzu was here, at some point.]

Are... are all of those people... gone? [Oh hey, there are the tears again, and Chuuta scrubs at his face with the hand not holding the water.]

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[That gets her to pause, because why are all you fuckers snooping on her phone???]

You...only saw pictures of campers, yes?

[Please for the love of god tell her you didn't see the 'private' ones. She will die of mortification if anyone did.]

[homeecspacecop]

[Well, no, but that other picture was inexplicably weird and completely irrelevant, so Chuuta's ignoring its existence and nodding.]

... was Misuzu Sonokata really here? [Please say no. Please just... even lying would be better than Red confirming what he saw. And did she talk about me is the other, completely selfish and utterly pointless question that's burning him up. He knows she wouldn't, unless she was making vague and insulting illusions, or bad-mouthing him, but--]

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...

Chuuta. Is that a question you want to know the answer to?

[homeecspacecop]

No. [He says (sobs, really, but don't tell anyone) like he's saying "no I don't want the answer" when he knows that just means that yes, she was, and if someone like Sonokata couldn't get out of here, if she couldn't stop this or protect herself, then they're all doomed.]

I... [no, sorry, he can't talk right now.

After a minute, he tries again.]

Are you sure it's worth it?

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[It's okay Chuuta. Take all the time you need.]

I have to believe it is. I don't think I could live with myself if it was all for nothing.

[homeecspacecop]

But are you sure? [Chuuta knows what it's like to have something you can't live with and living on anyway. He knows what it's like to tell yourself something you don't believe until believing it makes everything easier.

If she's sure it's worth it, beyond the shadow of a doubt, then maybe it is. But if she isn't... that just makes everything worse than it could be.]

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[If he had asked her week 1, she would have said that she was sure. Now, though...

She just falls silent.]

[homeecspacecop]

[She isn't.

She isn't sure. She's done this so many times but she isn't sure it's worth it.

They're still going to die anyway. Chuuta doesn't say anything, because there's nothing to say.]

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[There really isn't.

So instead, Red will lean against the counter and start humming.]

[homeecspacecop]

[He's quiet.

It's so quiet in his head right now, no comments or observations or the background blur of emotions that he'd never realized weren't his. It's empty, being alone in his own head.]

I can't... [He says, aloud and quiet as he tries again and again to just wipe his tears away and not be crying.] I can't do this. I can't. I thought I could help people, I thought I could protect people, but I'm not good enough.

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You can still help people. It's not about being good enough, it's about trying.

[homeecspacecop]

I don't want to try and not be good enough. I don't want to try as hard as I can and still watch people die. I... I can't. Not again.

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All any of us can do is try, Chuuta. It's 'try' or 'give up'. Are you giving up?

ah yes the most terrifying tag i have ever received in my rp career

[homeecspacecop]

[He wants to give up. He wants so much to just... give up. He's always wanted that.

But...]

You want us to give up, don't you? You just want us to stop fighting.

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I don't.

But at the same time, if you did give up, I would not blame you.

[homeecspacecop]

Is that what you did? Is that why you're still here?